Kawan ke ?

Recently, I realize this. 

When I look at my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, wow there's quite a big number of friends. Then I look at my Whatsapp chats, eh only few. It's less than 10 personal conversation , the rest are Whatsapp group and businesses. Compare to few years back when I had a lot of frnds to chat with!

Then to make it more obvious, was when I make a list of whom to invite on this one event of mine. It's a longgg longg longg way to go but I am a type that make a preparation almost a half year for every occasion cz for me I dont count days as ' months ' .I count as ' satu kapal' period .Ha okay back to when I made a list of the invitation , surprisingly I could only list very few, very..few! It suppose to be prioritized for my close friends as anyway this aint a wedding pon kan but the 'close friends' hmmm . I even cut some whom I already listed. Some of the reasons.

- Er, this fella. Used to be closed but not anymore cz he/she is actually a badass. 
- Er, this fella. Bila tak da girlfriend, cari kita bila ada girlfriend terus tak kenal kita.
- Er, this fella. When did the last time he Hi me. Owh three years ago.
- Er, this fella. Time dia nak business je dia cari.
- Er, this fella. Makin hari makin sial je perangai.

and etc.

At first when I told Aghis that I feel like I have very less friends now and I aint sure if it is a good thing or ? Then he said this. 

' I have made you into a better girl. '

And haha I dont know how to take that statement but I think , okayla maybe having an over protective boyfriend is one of the reason why ( sorry bro ) but I figured out that the main reason is, I DONT TAKE BULLSHITS ANYMORE. 

I used to be someone who cares too much on my relationship with other people. Too much concern on 'jaga hati' things like that. I have enough of those. I wont try hard anymore, it's the time to let go whichever / whomever that wants to walk away. I wont hold back , I wont be sad cz everyone now is grown up with their own lives so let them be. Kalau hang nak bla, hang bla. And wow! I feel much happier by doing that. 

Because you see ea.. What is the point of being someone who cares too much while others never even want to bother and appreciate? Bodohla kan? So Im waking up myself haha ! Less important matters, dont even get stressed about it. Last time I cried for days pasal get disappointed on this one manusia but , oh shit man why should I be sad about it. In fact, I should be grateful lah as one of the electron has leave! 

Family  lain, family is the responsibility.

The older I get, the more person that I found assholes. Some even , I called them friends. Today, I dont really ambik port lah. 

Yes. People will say things. Like, owh now that you have a career, bajet that you are having a good life konon that 's why you can say you dont care anymore.. Now can say lah ! But people do not know what makes us change. Takyah pening2 la, they dont even want to know the real things. They just love to assume. ASS U ME.

 It bothers me sometimes to think that ea what has happened to me now ea why am I hati kering sangat (  heartless ). This isnt Yana actually but to live, I have to be like this. And being someone who works onboard the ships, slowly without I realize it changes me and honestly, I dont like it tho. 

I think Aghis knows me well as he always scold me for being ' ala, nanti orang cakap apa' ( later what people will say ) ... Till that one point I said this. ' mampus la wea dorang nak cakap apa' .

However, I believe that we should be having a large number of  'kenalan'. For that I have to admit, I have quite a lot in all places even out of the country .Tapi nak kata dorang tu kawan, errr bukan kawan la they are just ' we know each other '.Networking in other hand, is ' bapak ah penting gila ' in living at today's society. Not all of the ' kenalan' are friends, so by separating the list of kenalan and kawan also , gives me a less headache life because you may differentiate like, okay this is to keep for? for business for example. And for this one pulak is to keep for ? shoulder to cry, for a friendship for example. Family is not in the list lah, family is what we should be keeping at all time no matter what kan. 
Without networking, it's quite a hardly living jugak lah kot. So, let's be wise. I dont choose whom should I friend with but I am particular on whom should I be close with.  Friends come and go, that's it. Yesterday they said they care, tomorrow ?