Assalammualaikum good day everyone :)
Has been long time since I last visit this blog. 7eleven today it s my 23rd birthday and I was unsure if I want to post this but then yea let's just do it.

I am working on an oil tanker ship, at the age of 23 years old today If you ask me, I would never thought that I ll be able to be a third officer because the word of ' give up , I cant bear anymore' came thousand times for the past three years since I joined ALAM.

At the age of 23, it s about gaining and losing game. I lost one of my bestfriends, I lose trust to some people that I closed with and I lose ..time.
You wont usually hear this from me but here I gonna say this straight. Today, I have money. But I dont have a good time. Those days me and my friends had not much money but on this day, we were in some places celebrating my birthday arranged by them. Each years I start losing those. Birthday is just a birthday : ) To some people it has always been that way but for me birthday was always a special day , a day that nothing could goes wrong . But since I was 19,zzz I dont even want to talk further also what happened on 7 eleven for each years oh Except for last year my ship crews got me a cake but still it wasnt the same cz it wasnt a home.

But Im glad that tho some people has walked away and leave the stains , and some pulak went away and return , there are still few who stay. This time is no longer be nice to everyone ea, it's whoever wanna leave, please do before you leave your shits on me. Those days yes, as much as I could I ll try my best to keep , to let them stay oh no more no more.

Progress? Yea still working like emm like.. like .. something2.. waiting for another 5months to go home. And recently I am working hard on the business that will be launched next year once Im home InshaaAllah ,so far it goes well but need to collect more money to make it better hehe.  Luckily my ship this time route Asia je so we quite oftenly got the internet so yea okyla I can work from here easily.

And! really, duit tu..  I planned to use the money for the downpayment of my dream car, Audi. But instead of that, I canceled the plan and use the money to start up this business haha. And and and, I have stopped buying and scrolling for handbags , so that I can use up the money for business matters. I even cut some budgets that suppose to be used for my engagement for.. business again hahahahahha #revealedisit ! ahh better use the money to get more money first. Bergaya later. hmmm kempunan  but it's okay la kan , sometimes you have to lose something to get something ( but usually Im the type whom dont wanna lose ,try to get both ) haha

Honestly, it wont be a good sleep if I start to think on my future. From other people's point of view there s nothing to worry for me. But here.
As a seawoman, NOW I  am kinda conmfortable with the rank, salary, and all but till when ? What should I do once Im married. What job and how much may I earn . Can I still buy handbags , cz husband wont get for me one. So if I want what I want I got to get myself a job which, haha what job. But if I work, eg 8-5 job how if my husband is on leave for two months and he ll be staying at home alone. Then what does it mean by having a family? And kids wont be able to see their dad for months and mom will be around only at night and Sunday. Like that ?? THEN THE END OF THESE KECELARUAN USUALLY ENDED UP LIKE THIS ' HMMMM BUT I NEED MY OWN MONEY ALSOOO' HAHAHA. seeeee? Now you know why am I coming back with business. Honestly, I have plans but you know one time you say you want to stay till you become a Captain, one time you say you just want to sit at home baking and eat and serve kids. 

Plenty times, I admit it's the ego. Thoughts of ' I ve gone tru sooo much pain to get to this so will I just stop here as a third officer , you dont wanna be a captain yana? that 60k per month  ? that 4 stripes on the shoulder?'  Then few minutes later I ll start thinking, its ok la I let my husband to become one, I ll sacrifice. Then few minutes later again I ll start thinking, ehhhh mana bolehhh we both sama2 belajar both deserve that salary both bla3 hahah I dont know. I really dont know. Till the time comes, I... I dont know haha. Who is Yana in the next 10 years. But honestly, I m looking for real happiness. If one day it is meant that I have to sacrifice my this and that for the betterness, I ll do. But one thing I always bear in mind ha. Dont get too over confident on your partner haha today he might love you tomorrow you wont know if they say they dont know you and leave you undressed unhomed hahaha. #kidding #noimnotkidding in the end like they always said to me ' kau perempuan, ke dapo jugak akhirnya' .er ke dapo akhirnya tu mungkin la ye la kan haha but my point is , as a woman you ll one day become a wife and a mother, and whoever you are, what rank you have or what ship are u working with, I believe once u get married, husband is your captain.

What else? Oh I have one dream that I always look up to but untill today , I found it so hard to get into there. It requires me to make a massive transform to myself which, I barely can do. so yea I know HE listens to me and will open up the chance for me but just that, I wont know if I have the time. Hopefully the time will come soon.

Another thing, people questioned me when did my money goes when I told them I still dont have a car, a house, okayla atleast a basic thing that most of the teenager dah ada, kereta lah kan. Xda, memang I xda haha Im still young mannnn so my money is for my family ,bla3 baru u patut sebok pasal diri you and lepastu ngenyoh nak kawen ahahahha. Ni pun,still I havent done much for them. Told ya, more money less time. #butanyway #ihaventgotmydrivinglicensed #yejanjibalikniambik

Thankyou for all of the wishes.. Wishing the same for all of you too :)

OKAY IT S KINDA LATE ALREADY SHOULD GET MYSELF TO SLEEP. Conclusion on my 23rd birthday, goodluck Yana in planning your future hahaha be happy be grateful.
xoxo,Yana.