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22 August 2019
Monday
Damansara
Appointment with Dr Natasya.



Long story short, Dr. buat scanning. Dr start dengan buat scan masuk dalam vagina tu bukan scan dari atas perut tu ha. Entah apa nama alat tu tapi tak sakit pun, cuma kurang selesa la and rasa segan sikit sebab yela first time kot haha.

( Post dalam Bahasa Melayu rojak sebab nenek kita complain post kat FB in English dia tak paham ) 

'' Something 's here. You tengok ni ada big black thing. Size, 7x4.5cm lebih kurang. This is Cyst.' Doctor Natasya.

Huh? Cyst?
I sebenarnya macam blurr kejap.. Cyst ni bahaya ke tak, nanti I nak ngandung boleh ke tak?  ketumbuhan ke apa ke boleh mati ke eh eh eh apa benda ?
' From this scanning, cyst ni ada kat sebelah kanan . Now you compare yea I pergi belah kiri,ha nampak ni ada black things kecik2 ni ha ni lah cyst. semua orang ada cyst ni tapi sepatutnya size normal yang macam ni. 3-4 cm okay lagi tapi yang tadi you tengok sebelah kanan tu sangat besar kan nak dibandingkan dengan kiri ni. ''





''Hmm okayy, faham2.. so macam mana eak doctor.''
Sambil tahan air mata jangan sampai jatuh haha

''Kita tunggu lagi seminggu setengah apabila you datang period. kita check lagi kalau cyst ni ada lagi atau tidak sebab kadang2 dia ada kat situ sebab kita nak period, so kalau masa period tu it is still there,then confirm ,we need to remove''
''Because you are still young,I dont think it's a cancer. And honestly, sebab size dia 7cm I rasa memang cyst tu akan still ada but anyway kita tunggu lagi next appointment. Kita cuba bagi pil perancang untuk kecutkan cyst tu like I said because u are still young so kita cuba dulu cara tu but if it doesn't work,kita akan proceed dengan surgery. ''

''Hmm okayla Doctor saya ikut je what s best.''

''cuma ,Base on the scanning tadi Dr tak boleh identify lagi sama ada dia di ovary, atau dari fallopian tube or apa. Yang itu kita kena buat another check,like I said cyst ni ada macam2 jenis. Okay? It's okay you no worry ,banyakkan doa mudahan dia bukan ovary cyst.'

''Okay Doctor. So see you next week yeah.''

''Yes tapii kalau sebelum kita punya next appointment you rasa sakit atau tak selesa,terus ke hospital nearby you,pergi ke emergency terus bagitau mereka you ada 7cm cyst. sebab kita takut dia pecah. Alright?''

''Oh bytheway apa punca and symptom dia eak sebab I rasa I live my life normally je takda rasa sakit takda ,takda apa2 la Dr. Just fine.''
''okay kalu nak cerita tentang faktor dia berbagai. Keturunan you ada sejarah tak?''

'' I dont think so makcik2 I kalau dapat tiap tahun boleh keluar baby''

'' you ada ambil apa2 supplement especially pil kurus ke nak gemuk ke kecantikan ke nak putih keanything?''
''Ouhh no no I adalah orang yang paaling takut nak makan2 supplement ni for real.''
''tak apa, yang penting kita kena focus on what s next ''
Then I left the Doctor's room. Walked calmly out from the hospital door duduk kat bench, whatsapp Aris suruh call pakai satelite phone. Nak dijadikan cerita kapal dia kali ni ada wifi so eventho dia kat tengah laut dia atleast boleh whatsapp.

Dan air mata meleleh leleh leleh la kami berdua cakap dalam telephone tu. So orang lalu lalang depan tu memang nampak la kita ni tengah bersoksek nangis kat bangku. 

25 August 2019
Khamis
Office @Kuala Lumpur

Tengah buat kerja tu,pukul 1230 tiba2 rasa macam eh sakit perut pulak . To be exact dia bukan kat perut, tapi kat ari2 bawah belah kanan. Sebenonya tak sakit sesangat2 pun, dia macam kena cubit kat dalam tu je . Sakit nak berak tu lagi sakit . Tapi disebabkan kita dah tau benda tu ada kat dalam kan so tu yang kita jadi lebih alert. Lagipun teringat pesan Dr Natasya, kalau sakit terus g Hospital.

So I pergi clinic sebelah office. 

''Doctor, I ada 7cm cyst and now I rasa sakit kat sini so I would like to check.''

Kemudian Doctor tu,  tahla sengal sengal ubi hahha dia okayla tekan2 kat perut tu kemudian dia kata. 

'' I tak rasa ini adalah appendix, okay takpe emm tapi I tak boleh scan la untuk check cyst ..so..hmmm''

So I tengok muka dia dah sengal2 ubi macam tunggu idea turun dari langit tak sampai2, I said to her. 

''Like this Doctor. U give me referral letter ke Hospital sebelah rumah I ni, then I pergi sana je. But I need your referral letter if possible. ''

''ohh yeah yeah yes yes sure sure okay nowwwww I will submit the referral letter to your hospital bla3''

So I jalan balik office ambik bag then booked Grab. Sebab I naik LRT datang kerja. Book2 Grab punyalah slow sebab Jalan Ampang kot dia punya jam what do you expect, 10 mins tunggu yennadey tak sampai2 so I  terus ambik je Taxy. Rezeki haritu, punyalah baik uncle cina the taxy driver tu baikk sangat memang berbudi bahasa orangnya. Allah mudahkan urusan.

Sampai hospital pergi emergency (DrNatasya dah pesan) then emergency kata you kena pergi terus ke specialist. So jalan ke kaunter pendaftaran which then jumpalah Dr Suhaimi Hassan, pakar Obstetrics and Gynaecology (O&G) .  

''Haritu Dr you kata cyst belah mana?''

''Kanan.''

''Now,you see here. I scan kanan ada, kalau scan ke kiri pun dia ada. Tak sure exactly where because maybe now it is overlapping''

(Pulak dah '-')

''u need to remove it. Khuatir dia membesar dia berpusing dan kacau ovary you ovary you rosak kita kena buang dengan ovary sekali. And nanti bila dia membesar dah nak pecah or it gives u pain already time tu you datang hospital dia dah pecah kat dalam kita memang terus immediate surgery which is not good yea''

'Now I tell you,you have to remove. Tapi you nak buat kat mana tu terpulang kat you.''

'' Alright.Hmm.. okay Doctor,kita buat kat sini je is it okay? Bila Dr free. I mean paling cepat yang saya boleh buat ni.''

Check check check schedule

''Esok lepas solat jumaat saya free''

''Okay kita buat esok.''

'You sure? I bagi you masa you fikir dulu nanti you confirm balik'

''Nope it s okay. Im sure my family will respect  my decision and as for my husband,I cant wait for him dia balik October doctor. So we do what's best let us just proceed please.''

As you all are aware, my husband tengah kat laut sekarang ni jadi takpelah kita buat jelah ya memang lah sedih tengah sakit nak operation suami tak ada tapi hidup kena diteruskan ahha kan kalau nak melepekk jee acanooo nak idop dik oii. 
'Oh October tak boleh la lama sangat. Okay kalau macam  u kena masuk ward petang or malam ni kira masuk terus lah sebab nak kena puasa and all of the stuffs before we go for surgery esok. ''
So I immediately whatsapp Aris '' Baby I buat operation esok ya sorry I tak boleh tunggu you. '' Maka suamiku pun menangis lah cakap sorry tak dapat teman etc. I hari tu I tak nangis sebab macam haha kena kentalkan hati jangan sedih jangan takut, you kena buat benda ni walaupun dia tak ada. Kalau I nak menjeng2 kat dia cakap please balik teman I and all, I rasa benda tu lagi tahla malas lah nak fikir buat stress ja kang nanti. 

( Tapi lepas operation tu masa masih sakit and  mamai2 lagi kan sengal2 ubi lagi jadi bila perasan yang eh suami aku tak ada lah, mana dia pergi ? ha tu yang I start sedih and nangis haha. ) 

Sebenarnya begini tau. I malas nak pike2 lagi.. Kalau I took more time to think, I akan fikir I kena naik kapal minggu depan ni pastu nak kena balik HongKong project tak settle pastu lusa ada kenduri pastu dah ada plan itu ini. so sebelum I berfikir untuk buat nanti nanti sebab nak settlekan dulu commitment2 tu kan, ahh buat saja la. Lagipun bayangkan ea,kalau I buat nanti2 tiap2 malam sebelum tido I akan memikirkan tentang hari pembedahan tu..tak ke cuak haha.

Maka
I terus sign admission form, ambik darah then dia bawak masuk ke ward. I was with my laptop bag hahah yela dari office kan. Pastu duduk jap atas katil, sempat mintak tukar bilik and beritau nurse saya nak balik rumah kejap saya tak bawak baju apa semua ni , saya kena pergi ambil sendiri sebab tak ada siapa kat rumah.

''eh tak boleh , dah masuk ward tak boleh keluar'' Nurse kata haha 
''Saya dah mintak izin Doctor tadi dia kata boleh tapi inform nurse.''

 Setelah nurse confirm sama doctor, I pun kluo ward,balik rumah jalan kaki tiba2 hujan pula so naik taxy sampai rumah kemas baju, left the house and went back to the hospital. 

Malam tu mama papa my girls datang . Esok nya jumaat pagi my family pulak sampai dari Johor .the time has come. Operation nak buat lepas solat Jumaat. 

Doctor bius bagi briefing beliau kata I akan ditidurkan terus ,selesai operation baru  I akan dikejutkan.

'Worry not,you wont feel the pain lepas bangun tu.nanti  before you rasa sakit kita akan bagi pain killer' 

Masuk Operation Theatre ,ni taknak la cerita how I felt,too long to list but one short description, rasa macam dah nak mati pun ada 😅

'Mazliyana, bangun ..kita sudah selesai '

Jeng jeng jeng....tak sakit? Sakit gila haha sebab tak larat nak cakap air mata jelah mampu meleleh non stop.

'Mazliyana,  u rasa sakit ya Doctor tambah ubat ya. '
Dah tambah dua kali, sakit lagi.

'Okay kami nak hantar balik ward ya'

Pastu geleng kepala, I was like ehh kejap kejappp taknak balik ward dulu benda sakit tak kurang lagi dari tadi haha jap jap atleast janganla bagi sakit sangat nanti family tengok risau sian je.

'Kita sudah bagi you tiga different @-$$+(apa tah beliau sebut ) . Badan you kecik, so kita takut bagi banyak tadi mula2 takut you cannot handle it.'

Doctors there sangat menyantuni kita ,kita pun menyantuni balik lah cakap sorry kat doctor sebab kena lapkan air mata haha tapi muka Doctor muda perempuan tu rela tak rela lewls! Cakap sorry tu sebab nak menekankan kat Doctor tu yang serius doctor,saya bukan ngada2..memang sakit gila doctor saya bukan sengaja nak nyusahkan doctor and jatuhkan air mata macam waterfall ni.so,saya sorry.

Masuk Operation Theatre jam 2pm. Keluar jam 5pm.  So start dari 5pm dah dimasukkan semula ke ward tu. Setibanya malam I dah mula lah mamai2 merepek2 entah apa.  Doctor kata I akan tido 6-8 jam selepas operation. . Sudahnya taktau la ubat tu tak kawan sangat dengan badan kita ke apa,  tak boleh tido sangat pun mamai2 je dengan sakit sikit2 kat pembedahan tu. Tapi tengah malam terus tido nyenyak.

Esok pagi, okay dah. Nak cepat baik punya pasal terus cakap kat doctor saya dah boleh bangun kot please cabut tube kencing ni semua haha saya nak try g kencing sendiri then jalan2. Sebab Doct pesan, nak baik cepat kena banyak jalan tapi pelan2 supaya darah mengalir elok. 

Tentang Cyst tu. Apa Doctor cakap?


It is Fimbrial cyst.
Dalam cyst I adalah cecair bukan darah atau daging.

Sebelum pembedahan , Doctor ada brief sama ada mahu buat pembedahan macam Czer orang bersalin tu, atau tebuk tiga lubang. For my case asalnya,  sebab the cyst is 7cm so Doctor prefer belah daripada tebuk. Kita jangkakan cyst tu 7 cm yang keras, so nak keluarkan tu lebih baik kita belah dari tebuk tiga lubang tu agak kecil.

Ketika pembedahan, Doctor found out yang my cyst contained fluid ( cecair ) instead of darah ataupun daging. Jadi dia tukar plan untuk keluarkan cyst tu. Jadi sebab tu lah kita tengok bawah ni bukan macam yang selalu kita nampak iaitu cyst yang kita boleh pegang tu kan yang keras, ni tinggal kulit je yang Dr tunjuk ni. 


So how they removed ialah,  belah sikit pastu buat lubang kat cyst tu kemudian Doctor gunakan sucker untuk sedut keluar cecair dalam cyst I tu. Selesai sedut keluar cecair Doctor keluarkan kulit cyst tu pulak. So method yang kikis tu tak diguna pakai lah. Jadi tak ada luka  apa2 di dalaman contoh Fallopian tube ataupun ovary Almdulillah sebab dia cuma sedut bukan kikis macam yang plan asal tu tadi. 

Bila pikir emm patutla I tak buncit pasal dia dalam macam belon bukan solid. 

Masa scanning pada awalnya,   Doctor suspect ia adalah Ovary Cyst  . Tapi tidak, ia hanyalah Fimbrial Cyst yang duduk di bawah fallopian tube, bukan di ovary.
So dua dua ovary dan dua dua belah fallopian tube tak disentuh masih cantik Alhamdulillah. 

Ofcourse, ada ramai yang bagi pendapat mungkin kita tak perlu pun bedah sebab dia akan kecut sendiri and so on. Sejujurnya, I respect apa2 pun pengalaman dan pilihan orang lain tetapi ini adalah pilihan yang I rasa terbaik untuk diri sendiri. As simple as that. And, I tak berapa nak google pun cuma google meaning cyst itu sendiri. Yang tips ke faktor apa2 soalan lain I nak tau, I tanya Doctor terus . Google has toooo manyyy infos I taknak semakkan kepala dengan baca benda2 tu semua. 

Dan soalan paling ramai orang tanya ialah macam mana I boleh nak pergi check if I ada cyst? Ada rasa sakit ke atau senggugut teruk atau period berlanjutan ke ?

Jawapannya:
Tidak. 
Symptom yang Doctor bagi antaranya ialah selalu sakit perut, period tidak teratur ,senggugut yang teruk, selalu rasa penat walaupun kita ni tak ada buat apa2 sangat pun.

Sakit perut yang kerap: I dont think so.
Period tidak teratur : Period I cantik every month
Senggugut yang teruk : Selalunya hari kedua memang senggugt rasa sakit belakang dan ofc the vagina tapi I can say it is fine sebab yang doctor describe senggugut teruk ni yang sampai kita tak boleh buat kerja, sakit sesangat sampai kena makan ubat boleh sampai nangis etc. Mine is okay.
Selalu rasa penat walaupun tak buat apa2: I meemmmmangg selalu complain penat kat my husband haha tapi sebab my daily routine memang sangat sibuk mentally and physically I memang tak da rehat sejujurnya, jadi bukannya penat sebab tak buat apa2. So Doctor kata mungkin sebab busy sangat tu yang I rasa penat tu adalah normal sedangkan itu sebenarnya salah satu symptom. 

Jadi apa yang membuatkan I pergi check itu ialah sebenarnya, I nak jumpa Doctor Natasya sebab nak mintak tolong dia plan kan kalau I nak merancang buat anak lah senang cerita susah nau nak cari ayat haha. Itu adalah sebab kenapa I pergi jumpa O&G. Bila kita cerita tentang merancang kehamilan, ofcourse dorang akan buat scan nak tengok rahim kan jadi tu lah tu masa scan tu jumpa cyst. 
Kalau tak pergi check, sampai bila entah I akan dapat tau tentang cyst yang membesar dalam perut ni Allahualam.  
So begitulah cerita dia. I tanya apa faktor sebenarnya tapi daripada list yang Doctor tunjuk tu I macam hmmm satu pun macam tak berapa nak ada kena mengena contoh nya keturunan,makan supplement2 ni pastu apa lagi macam2 la yang dikatakan merupakan punca cyst tu. Tapi kalau kita dah dapat tau ada cyst, terus kena jaga makanan supaya dia tak makin membeso katanya. 

It happens so fast. Isnin dapat tahu, Khamis mintak masuk ward, Jumaat operate. 

Post- Surgery 

And.. selepas seminggu pembedahan tu kan semalam I pergi balik jumpa Dr Suhaimi untuk checkup . So dia bukak lah pad yang mengcover luka bedah tu and Alhamdulillah luka pembedahan tu kering dah,jadi dia bukak terus 'selotape'(I taktau what they call the tape is) yang digunakan untuk meng gam kan luka tu. Nasib baik tak sakit wea. Sebab orang cerita macam2 kalau jahit nanti dia tarik benang tu zap zap, kalau gam macam ni kalau staple macam ni, so memang I went in to his room with fear! Tapi Dr Suhaimi was like tak sakit tak sakit no worry tak sakit kita buat lembut2. So luka I tu dalam em 5-6 cm kot. jadi 'selotape' yang digunakan untuk cantum luka belah tu dalam 10 keping kot. Jadi semalam bila bukak tu dia bukak lah sekeping sekeping. Sampai sekarang I tak pernah tengok luka pembedahan tu haha taknak tengok! 

I memang sangat  jakun bab2 ni pertama sebab tak pernah ditahan masuk hospital, kedua sebab yela memang tak pernah sakit yang luka2 ni paling kuat pun demam so yea, pengalaman yang kurang enak semestinya tapi pandanglah dugaan ini dengan pandangan, kita hamba Allah Dia yang mengkehendaki segalanya kita sebagai hamba Dia kena cari apa hikmah dan perkara atau message yang cuba Dia sampaikan kat kita melalui dugaan ni. 

And nothing to be ashamed of . I share this because I feel like It's okay if people know and I would like to share the knowledge and experience InshaAllah walaupun ianya sangatlah kecil dibandingkan orang lain. Semoga pahala berkongsi ilmu yang bermanfaat tu ada lah dapat saham nya. That's all nothing more. 

As a normal human being ofcourse no matter how much we try to be strong there will be a trigger kan so there was time when I felt lost and disturbed especially when I had my PMS a day after the surgery so it was really tough to actually struggle maintaining a good emotion. 

Whenever I felt disturbed I would always try to motivate myself that yes I am now being tested by Him but I am also seeing that I have so many nikmat around me to compare with this test. 

Syukur Alhamdulillah. Allah tu bagi dugaan untuk yang mampu , dan dugaan ni sampai apabila I am a bit prepared , diberi hidayah untuk buat checkup diberi kemudahan sebelum sampai la selepas operation, diberi orang sekeliling yang hebat dan ikhlas , diberi kemampuan, dan yang paling penting sejujurnya I tahu Allah uji ni bukan kerana bersifat zalim tapi sebab Dia sayang nak uji I , if I really can go through this. Syukur, syukur Alhamdulillah. Sangka baik kat Allah. 
Disclaimer:  Apologies for any misleading terms . I am not an expert in medic these are all solely on my experience and what my Doctors told me.

Sekarang ni kat rumah ibu berpantang sikit la macam orang beranak walaupun tak ada baby, ni ha nak jaga luka ni ha kena la jaga makan kan. 

Sangka baik kat Allah. InshaAllah, jangan tinggalkan AlQuran. 




Lots of love,
Yana. 

Pressure comes everyday be it minor or major, but I believe in one thing. I HAVE CHOICES.
And when I listed out what are the things that tend to give me the pressure, I found out that out of 7, only 2 that come from me, myself and I. The rest? The rest come from other people, siot betul haha.

For example,

- I don't like this one girl. Everytime I think about her my heart will be like beating fast as I feel annoyed, everything. The pressure comes when I dont like her, but for some valid reason I really need to be nice with her by crook or by hook. Well, sometimes we cant stop ourselves from disliking someone. However, I have choices. I may choose to let other people to talk about her in front of me and I would  feel pressure for the whole entire conversation OR... I can say ' I dont give a f*ck about her so I dont want to listen, change topic please'. Avoid. See..choices.Happier.
- Some assholes messed up with you. And this one cant really be avoided too no matter how nice you are pun. And it's, really hard to handle cz u need to balance out between ' lessons on how Rasulullah deal with people that messed up with him' and ' I have to balas back because he/she is really too much already!' u know, conflict with your iman hahaha! But still we have choices, to feel pressure about it for the first few hours or to let this story to haunt us for months, or even for years. LET IT GO AND LET ALLAH DO WHAT'S BEST TO THAT PERSON lah. Ni, hari2 nak cakap pasal benda tu then how to let go the pressure la dear? Does that person really deserve your brain space ah? kalau ada 100GB brain space, 10MB pun dia tak layak tau.

-  U got a wrong order by a waitress ( stranger ) at 10 am and get stressed about it until the next 10 am. Is it fair? I used to be a type that when something not right happened to me, it would ruin my WHOLE, ENTIRE DAY .Which was not fair! Not fair to me and to everyone around me. Now I learn to appreciate the moment. Contoh if I get pissed off with my husband or my family, I tried to stop myself for dragging it too long. Kalau tiba2 dorang mati, ha macam mana? macam mana? 

Life is short. I can say that some of the things that contribute to how happy I am now despite some of the pressures that come along which is normal , are 

I dont keep toxic people in my life. Whoever wants to go, go. Whoever that I feel like ' I cannot la with this person anymore' then instead of putting up with him/her, I ll just remove them from the list. Senang. And my bestfriends know me well that after few trials,  once I totally heartless to someone, there u go. Vanish, vanish, vanish. 

I dont compare myself with other people. 
Okay, they are richer, prettier, smarter, bigger boobs, bigger butts, smaller brains, more cars, more husbands and bla3.. So what? So? What. I do compare myself but only with what I used to be, and what I want myself to be. That's all. I have my own vision kan and even my journey is different then why shall I compare to others? Buang masa. We can have idol or people that we look up to but it s not necessary to compare our lives with them pun. We just apply what s good in their lives to ours then okay la takpayah la nak eii why she's so rich, I'm not. For me, As long as I am a better Yana, okay dah tu. Ingat kita ni hidup 300 tahun ke nak pikir banyak benda wea tak sis, tak.

I dont do things that I dont like, in such a very long term. 
' Boleh jadi yang kamu tak suka tu adalah yang baik bagi kamu' agree. But I always believe there will always be a time limit. 
I dont like sailing, but I like the money. So I sailed, get money and that's it few years have been enough. 
I dont like staying with my ex housemate. Few months and that's it, I left.
and , many more la.

Know when I need to put a fullstop.
Plan, then execute to quit. Sometimes I dont plan, I just do. We need to get rid the mentality of giving up is always bad. Not necessary.. Most of the times I give up on one thing is because I want to start anew. A much better thing, so sometimes I do really need to give it up. And all of my things-that-I-gave-up are now turning out so, so ,sooo welll dude. 

 always remind myself that Allah loves me. 
When He gives me challenges, it s because He is giving me chance to be in his Jannah. In my last usrah, we talked about this. The message was something like this.
Kalau Allah bagi kita ujian, bersyukurlah. Bersyukurlah. Allah tengah ingat kita, dia nak bagi kita chance nak masuk syurga. Kalau Allah dah lama tak bagi kita ujian atau sakit, ha itu yang kita patut risau, jaga2. Takut lah kita bila kita dah mula leka. 
In what sense pulak yang bila Allah bagi kita ujian kita ada chance nak masuk syurga? When will we remember Allah the most? When we have problems lah, confirm.

Surah Al Insyirah: my fav surah.

1. Bukankah Kami telah melapangkan dadamu (Muhammad)?,
2. dan Kami pun telah menurunkan bebanmu darimu,
3. yang memberatkan punggungmu,
4. dan Kami tinggikan sebutan nama(mu) bagimu.
5. Maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan,
6. sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan.
7. Maka apabila engkau telah selesai (dari sesuatu urusan), tetaplah bekerja keras (untuk urusan yang lain),
8. dan hanya kepada Tuhanmulah engkau berharap.

There was one time when I was sailing on my first ship, I was at the peak of all kind of pressure and stresses and Ibu wasnt there Aris wasnt there Ronggengs were not there , and other people onboard were hmm couldnt really trust on them so who else. That moment, That moment... I realized, I really could feel, I really believed.. that in Allah I trust. In the middle of the sea, no one else, no one except Him. Bentang sejadah, nangis all that you could, and phew... that feeling.

 Talk to positive people.
 And smart people,haha talking to stupid people will just make my day worst. I dont really google or read books on how to motivate myself, I only need to surround myself close with good,positive people.

Bersyukur.
Yang baik datang dari Allah, yang buruk datang dari diri sendiri. Dah tau buruk , kita tak suka kita nak better, work hard to it la. We cant avoid ourselves from complaining, that's normal but try to end it with ' but Alhamdulillah .... '
I one time complain things to my husband, literally about my life. He gave me this answer ' You cuba tengok you tengah makan kat mana and how much that plate of steak costs you?' 
And ada jugak one time he complains to me about himself then I said ' you cuba tengok I, aint I a great, pretty , rajin wife that Allah gives to you and aint that wonderful?' hahahaha good example is it :P jkjk 
So bersyukur but never stops improving. 

We cant avoid to feel pressure. Even if it comes for 2 seconds of our day, it still comes kan. But we have choices on how to deal with it. 

EGO MUST GO
TRASH MUST THROW

p/s last week  I told my shoulder to cry on that I feel something is not right with my life but I ddnt know what is it. Next day, I went to KLCC and got myself a new purse.woah terus that ' something is not right' feeling gone hahahaha biatch.













-  

Yes the title concludes everything but not the whole story.

I pengsan in our house's toilet few months ago when we were just got married I think around 2 months macamtu. And that was my first time ever to experience how pengsan is! 

So cerita ni macam sedih sikit, cuak sikit, kelakar sikit. 

On a Saturday, Aghis had his Taekwando match and we left so early in the morning cz it took around 1 hour jugak nak sampai to the event venue. We did have our brunch and I decided not to eat the rice so I just got myself a roti bom even that small roti bom, I couldnt finish. Just didnt feel like eating. But I felt good je cheer lead dia. jerit2 support him terkinja2 record his video and all, Okay je. 

After the whole day event, finally after maghrib we made our move back to KL. First 5 minutes in the car, I suddenly felt not right so I took out my tudung, tilt the seat and just laid down with one hand on my forehead another hand on my tummy. I was not sure tang mana yang tak kena nya perut ke kepala haha. Then I told Aghis I m not feeling well. ' Kenapa?' ' I dont know b, feel like vomitting '. ' Ha? nak muntah ke ? ' ' Tahla, I nak tido jap kot'.

Then I got pissed off because I think he did not drive well that the car was so bumpy on the road ' can u please drive elok2 tak, U buat I lagi pening ni' Then he blamed the road and so on la. I then standby the LXC Hijab's bag, in case I need to vomit, and I ..did. Decided not to stop anywhere cz I just wanted to be home A.S.A.P ! Long to short, I vomited 4 times in the plastic bag till we reached our house. 

Our residence ' car park : I walked like zombie to the lobby, while waiting for Aghis as the access card was with him yang aku pun taktau apa lama sangat dia nak lock the car, I vomited again yup in front of the lobby entrance. In the lift, I could just squat down, did not bother if anyone was watching, I felt like I was dying I macam tu sekali. 

Finally, reached our house: Another vomit when he was opening the gate this time hijau dah keluar dah means nothing left already!  I straightly went to the bathroom aimed on the toilet bowl and then...... then I fainted, lying on the bathroom floor. Honestly, I did not really know what is that cz yes I had no energy to wake up to get back to conscious, everything! I could not. But I could still hear what was happening around me. I heard Aghis was calling my name plenty tmes. I wanted to answer but it just didnt come out to my voice. Then he pushed the toilet door ( luckily I did not lock cz in rush kan ) and saw me. Drama started. 

' Baby? babyyy you kenapa baby' then he put me on his lap ' baby baby please wake up  ya allahhh' then he cried like meraung punya nangis tau. I swear I heard you sayang and I wanted to respond but I just couldnt. Then he went out idk what he was thinking then he came in back and brought me to the bed, while cryin, non stop. I felt that I could still move a bit now I think I was not totally fainted I could still move a bit, open my eyes bit better la than tadi  in toilet tu . He put some pillows on my leg to make them higher, then he went to kitchen. Next, I heard bunyi macam orang buat air tu ting keting keting godak air dalam cup. I was like dalam hati eh dia ni biar betul sempat buat air ke macam mana haha aku macam dah nak mati rasanya ni. Then dia angkat I, and gave me the drink. Bapak masinnnnn gilaaaa hahahahahah aku macam tersegar sekejap hahaha. K lepas tu, he said he gonna take me to the hospital. ALhamdlillah tho he was crying badly he could still has the sense on what to do,get my purse especially IC, shoes and what else but guess what he forgot. My tudung! hadoiii haha tu penting wahai suami2 di luar sana aurat still kena jaga. He put his sweater on me tutup rambut pakai hood. boleh la b okayla xpe la. Before we stepped out from the house I vomit again and Aghis became worst. ' Baby pleaseeee what s wrongg withh uuu .. u sakit kat mana bgtau iiiii ya allah tolonglah Ya Allahh' then he hugged me crying. I understand his situation. He was sad but he had to get into his sense but at the same time he could not control the frustration I think he started to think on the worst case scenario already. 

So dia papah I sampai bawah ke carpark tadi.  Tetiba lagi, kereta tak boleh start. And he called his mom that was in Shah Alam to come over and I honestly not sure what was his plan. Then after few minutes the car was okay, I heard he told his mom that we are going to Hospital Shah Alam. Dalam hati I , Ya Allah jauh gila nak sampai wea aahaha. Columbia Hospital is justtt bawah rumah kitorang ni but he forgot that I had a medical card. My stomach was paining so so much I couldnt explain the painful and Aris could just not stop crying, calm, sambung nangis then stress kejap sebab jalan jammed then calm balik untilll finally we reach hospital, emergency entrance then I heard my father in law called me. I heard him but I didnt respond. God knows who helped me to get on the wheel chair, then someone did something to my chest to conscious me idk but I still did not, so zzuppp straightly... to ..emergency..My mother in law was with me they put me on the bed, bla3 procedures semua bla3 last2 after dripping, tadaaa I was then get back to normal after few hours. 

My MIL went out, Aghis entered. I took his hand, smiled and told him . ' Sayang, I'm okay la '  he put his arm on the bed, sambung nangis. ' Baby please, I tak boleh la ' then instead of sympathy or touched to see him that way, I laughed hahahah ' Apesal sooooo farrr that u brought meeee heree  sampai Shah Alammm haha then I nagged this la that la laughed at him for crying la baby la semua. He then said ' You ni eak. tadi yang you sakit bagai nak rak dua jam tu je yang mulut you tu diam tau. '

END.


So much lesson learnt from what has happened, I appreciate him more each time I see him especially when he isnt looking, it s something that I cant describe and I hope he feels the same on me. 

I felt funny whenever I think back on how bad Aris cried but each time I think again, and I always make fun of this to him laughed at him but sometimes it can brought me to tears as I dont need any more proof to prove loves sometimes you just feel it, prove? what else prove do I need?. The next day I went to my monthly usrah session and you know what was the topic? so much kebetulan. ' Sakit dan dugaan itu penghapus dosa' Ha bab topic usrah niii best tau rungkaian dia nanti I share in another session okay.. 
Drop your comments below as u wish.

Best Regards, 
your wife. 

Wohoo these days are so busy with all of the modular courses.  Those are for the preparation for before the pratical onboard the ship later. So we had ,first aid modular . The scary injuries pictures were really frightened me off muahaha Trust me, IF I will be in charge for the case onboard that needs me to do the minor operation or to do SOMETHING on the bad injuries, I ll faint right there, right now hahaha !

Oh ok here is the class session  : )

my class.. beloved 14Bravo : )

ugly me -,-

the training